My Life Is Complete

While taking a break from a cookie decorating marathon, my mom, my sister, her two girls, Lina and I all hop in my car and drive to Culver's for dinner.  While we are standing there, looking at the menu I start getting frustrated with Lina because she won’t tell me what she wants to eat.  She’s whiney and fussy and just being plain disagreeable.  Eventually she says, I just want to be held.  So I pick her up to talk to her more about what to order for her and then it happens. 

She throws up all over my left side and fills up my purse.  I have a moment of “oh crap, what do I do now?” before I dash her off to the bathroom before any more could come out.  The worker behind the counter just stares dumbly at the situation and does absolutely nothing.  I get her in the bathroom in time for round three, but both stalls are taken.  There is now a pile in the restaurant, a pile in the bathroom and a purse full of barf.  I sit her on the sink and do my best to get us cleaned up.  I care more about her being clean because I know how miserable it is to be sick and to be covered in your sick.  Plus, she’s my baby.  Besides, the more I try to wipe off my shirt, the more it seems to get stuck in the fibers.   I manage rescue my keys from my purse, but the rest is going to have to wait until later.

Finally the young idiot from behind the counter is cleaning up the mess and is practically kicking me out of the bathroom so he can mop.  I mean, come on.  You can see that I am trying to clean up my child, so just wait a minute dude.  Eventually I get us cleaned up enough to go sit in the car while the rest of my family gets their food.  Strangely, my appetite is gone.  I strap Lina in the car as carefully as her messy clothes will allow.  I contemplate having her ride home in her underwear, but decide against it.  I climb in the driver’s seat  to wait for the rest of my family, that’s when I realize I can’t buckle up.  I am still covered in wet, stinky barf. 

Soon everyone is piling back in my car with their food, the car is getting a very interesting smell.  Jess sees my predicament and offers to run into Walmart to get me a shirt.  After changing my shirt behind Walmart, using the car doors as shields, we head back to my parents’ house where Lina and I strip down the rest of the way and toss our clothes in the wash before jumping in the shower together.  After we are both clean and mostly dressed, I start going through my purse.  A daunting task to be sure.  I salvage what I can, bag what I can’t save or clean but need to keep and toss the rest.  Unfortunately it’s one of my favorite purses and my only wallet, thank goodness they are both fabric and not leather.  So into the wash they  go.  It takes two washes to get the purse smelling fresh again, but it survives.  Finally I’m able to help with the cookies again and it isn’t long before I hear this sweet little voice…

“Mom, I’m hungry.”