Tuesday, May 26, 2009
So when the movie quotes start flying out, my eyes roll. Because either a) I have not seen this movie and have no idea what they are talking about, or b) I have seen this movie and didn't think it was great/funny enough to memorize lines from and therefore have no idea what they are talking about. This is both fascinating and incredibly ANNOYING. Because unless you are talking to Rachelle who has this remarkable ability to keep up with their silly movie quotes, you are totally leaving the rest of us out of the conversation. Especially when you are so lucky to be sitting in-between two of these battling movie quoters.
Although it is fascinating because they have a whole conversation leading to hysterical laughter and not one word was their own. They are using someone else's statements, phrases, thoughts and actions to communicate. I once wrote a paper made up entirely of quotes, I got one of the two A's that were given out, so maybe there is something to this. Or maybe my teacher was a man and understood how to talk with someone else's words. Personally, I am so bad at using others words that I have to make up my own. I only used all the quotes in my paper because I didn't understand it enough to decipher it until at least three days later when I actually got enough sleep to clear out the fog in my brain.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Charlie got sick, all over the house. And that does not exclude my antique book shelf or our new couches. It did however help with creating a nice toilet bowl odor in the living room. I feel I should specify what kind of sick it was. Let's just say it didn't come out of the kissable side, and it wasn't anywhere near solid or easy to clean up. This is where I confess my undying gratitude to my mother for allowing me to hijack her steam cleaner. And also to Mason who sent me to pick up the steam cleaner while he dealt with the worst part of the clean up.
Yesterday I spent the day truly enjoying the feel of ultra clean carpet on my bare feet, making the dogs spend most of their time in the kitchen. Fortunately it was my day to work at home, so I could monitor Charlie and make sure he was feeling better, which he was. Although a little gas had me rushing him to the back door. Just after midnight I crawled into bed, knowing that the next day would be torture since I wasn't asleep at 10pm. And because the sick dog deep clean the day before just wasn't enough, a very unpleasant sound erupted from a very large dog. Apparently, Charlie cleaned out his food and water bowls a little to quickly and emptied his very large stomach onto the bedroom floor. Did I mention that this all happened after midnight? Did I mention that I do not do well on little to no sleep?
So tell me, if we're already changing around our schedule and loosing sleep to clean up after sick dogs and spending our free time keeping an eagle eye on Koby (who has taken to chewing on the deck), when do we have time to take care of a child?
Monday, May 11, 2009
Today, I was finally brave enough to visit the same Chinese place that made the horrid mistake last time. But I was not brave enough to order the same thing. I made sure to order something that was not hidden by fried breading and thick sauce. And I have to tell you, I think the Chicken Lo Mein is my new favorite dish! I can now safely eat chicken there again. Hooray!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Mom: That's cute.
Me: What is?
Me: What's cute?
Mom: I don't know, what?
Me: You said, "that's cute." And I said "what's cute."
Mom: What is?
Me: That's what I'm asking you.
Mom: I don't know what's cute.
Me: You just said, "that's cute."
Mom: Oh, I didn't hear that.
Yes, this is how we coach our team, just your regular Abbot and Costello. And plenty of cute things did happen. My favorite being the little girl on our team who had her face buried in the grass the whole time because she was "looking for worms" in the outfield. And then she didn't want to hit until her mother said she was going to take her picture. Not to mention, I found out just how great the new hair is shoved under a hat.
Now, I know what you are all thinking... It has been a week, where is the picture of the new hair you promised us??? I know, I owe you. I just haven't taken any yet because, I don't know how to style my own flippin' hair! And I refuse to post any pictures that make me look ridiculous.
You didn't really believe that, did you? So instead of a picture of the new hair, how about a top ten list of things I re-learn almost every week?
10. Do not go to bed irritated. Sleep does not magically wipe the slate clean. You will not wake up all happy and chipper. In fact you may even wake up in a worse mood then when you fell asleep. Do not attempt this if you enjoy spending your days as a happy person.
9. Do not leave the dish washer door opened. Koby will not only help you clean the dishes, but it is very possible that he will get stuck in there and break all the dishes attempting to free himself.
8. Do not leave any inside doors open during Koby's free time, he will go in, find something expensive and destroy it in 2 seconds flat. In fact, don't leave any outer doors open either, this dog is an escape artist and the reason we installed a baby gate.
7. Do not leave moldy cheese in the trash can when you leave the house. Charlie will find a way to get to it and eat everything but the seal of the zip lock bag. However, he WILL tell you of his guilt before you can discover the evidence.
6. Do not keep your clean underwear in the laundry basket. Koby will simply sneak a pair and run around the house until you either a) catch him, or b) he tires of the game and moves on to terrorize Sheeba. Either way, the clean underwear is no longer clean.
5. Do not allow previously worn underwear to hit the floor. Sheeba will clean it for you, and that might gross you out to the point where you seriously debate throwing it away, even though it is your favorite pair, because the washing machine will NEVER get it clean enough.
4. Do not fall asleep on the couch while Koby is out of his kennel. He will find a bottle of shampoo or a tube of Neosporin and chew a hole through it. Assuming of course that you already closed the bedroom door limiting his access to shoes and clean underwear.
3. Do not even close your eyes after you turn off the alarm. Unless, of course you like the challenge of getting "office ready" in 30 min or less.
2. Do not allow yourself to hit the snooze button if you don't know out how to style your new hair do. There is nothing you can do with a bad hair day if your hair is too short to put it in a pony-tail and your company won't let you wear a hat. You simply have to walk around all day looking like an idiot.
1. Do not bother to tell your sister about your bottle of good nail polish breaking inside the bag and getting all over everything, because she will not offer you any sympathy until at least 20 minutes later. Instead, she will go on and on about how your incident isn't so bad because she broke her bottle all over the tile floor and in the grout and her pants... So you're problem clearly isn't very bad, even though you offered the appropriate amount of sympathy when it happened to her. And the only way you will be able to get that teeny tiny bit of sympathy is to remind her several times that the color was sentimental because it's the color that you bought for HER wedding.