Mom: That's cute.
Me: What is?
Mom: What?
Me: What's cute?
Mom: I don't know, what?
Me: You said, "that's cute." And I said "what's cute."
Mom: What is?
Me: That's what I'm asking you.
Mom: I don't know what's cute.
Me: You just said, "that's cute."
Mom: Oh, I didn't hear that.
Yes, this is how we coach our team, just your regular Abbot and Costello. And plenty of cute things did happen. My favorite being the little girl on our team who had her face buried in the grass the whole time because she was "looking for worms" in the outfield. And then she didn't want to hit until her mother said she was going to take her picture. Not to mention, I found out just how great the new hair is shoved under a hat.
Now, I know what you are all thinking... It has been a week, where is the picture of the new hair you promised us??? I know, I owe you. I just haven't taken any yet because, I don't know how to style my own flippin' hair! And I refuse to post any pictures that make me look ridiculous.
You didn't really believe that, did you? So instead of a picture of the new hair, how about a top ten list of things I re-learn almost every week?
10. Do not go to bed irritated. Sleep does not magically wipe the slate clean. You will not wake up all happy and chipper. In fact you may even wake up in a worse mood then when you fell asleep. Do not attempt this if you enjoy spending your days as a happy person.
9. Do not leave the dish washer door opened. Koby will not only help you clean the dishes, but it is very possible that he will get stuck in there and break all the dishes attempting to free himself.
8. Do not leave any inside doors open during Koby's free time, he will go in, find something expensive and destroy it in 2 seconds flat. In fact, don't leave any outer doors open either, this dog is an escape artist and the reason we installed a baby gate.
7. Do not leave moldy cheese in the trash can when you leave the house. Charlie will find a way to get to it and eat everything but the seal of the zip lock bag. However, he WILL tell you of his guilt before you can discover the evidence.
6. Do not keep your clean underwear in the laundry basket. Koby will simply sneak a pair and run around the house until you either a) catch him, or b) he tires of the game and moves on to terrorize Sheeba. Either way, the clean underwear is no longer clean.
5. Do not allow previously worn underwear to hit the floor. Sheeba will clean it for you, and that might gross you out to the point where you seriously debate throwing it away, even though it is your favorite pair, because the washing machine will NEVER get it clean enough.
4. Do not fall asleep on the couch while Koby is out of his kennel. He will find a bottle of shampoo or a tube of Neosporin and chew a hole through it. Assuming of course that you already closed the bedroom door limiting his access to shoes and clean underwear.
3. Do not even close your eyes after you turn off the alarm. Unless, of course you like the challenge of getting "office ready" in 30 min or less.
2. Do not allow yourself to hit the snooze button if you don't know out how to style your new hair do. There is nothing you can do with a bad hair day if your hair is too short to put it in a pony-tail and your company won't let you wear a hat. You simply have to walk around all day looking like an idiot.
1. Do not bother to tell your sister about your bottle of good nail polish breaking inside the bag and getting all over everything, because she will not offer you any sympathy until at least 20 minutes later. Instead, she will go on and on about how your incident isn't so bad because she broke her bottle all over the tile floor and in the grout and her pants... So you're problem clearly isn't very bad, even though you offered the appropriate amount of sympathy when it happened to her. And the only way you will be able to get that teeny tiny bit of sympathy is to remind her several times that the color was sentimental because it's the color that you bought for HER wedding.
You said you like comments....
ReplyDelete1. I have had that same conversation with Mom!
2. Your new haircut is cute. When you style it, it looks cute. Accept it and post a picture already! I will even take it for you! (Don't worry, I will make sure it is from a good angle, showcasing your best features.)
3. A contained light-colored nail polish spill is not nearly as bad as a bathroom explosion nailpolish spill, particularly if the color is BRIGHT PINK!
4. I couldn't offer sympathy too soon, at least not without laughing...and don't pretend that you didn't laugh when I spilled the polish.
5. Wasn't a certain puppy involved in your nail polish explosion? Interesting how you chose to slam me for my lack of sympathy, but the dish-breaking, underware-licking, shampoo-guzzling, shoe-chewing furball isn't even mentioned. :)
1. That doesn't surprise me at all.
ReplyDelete2. You've only seen me style it once since I got it cut. Stuffed under a hat doesn't count.
3. I never said my spill was worse then yours. All I said was that you were lacking in the sympathy department, even though similar tragedies have happened to you.
4. I'm still laughing.
5. I figured Koby had been "slammed" enough already. Besides, it's not like he dragged the bag to the floor. I got up to get him and the bag fell. Not to mention, he actually gave me sympathy.